2015.. in with the new and out with the old!

February 4th 2015:

Been on block leave since 30th January and really enjoying my week off. Although there are times I wish that I could have done something more productive than lazing around, watching movie marathon, cooking and eating to my hearts content (OK who am I kidding... I love it!)

But that aside, I am looking forward to achieving a healthier new me. Here I am, thirty *cough cough* five years old and pretty much wondering what my next move is going to be. My niece Sofy is away at boarding school for the first time, Intan.. my youngest sis in law is getting married, and Mr. Bitx and I just celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary (6 years of putting up with each other. Well, mainly him putting up with me. LOL).  

OK, so healthier new me. I vow to shed at least 10 kgs or just keep myself fit and happy (yeah, yeah... been making the same promise to myself.. dah season berapa ntah .Hehhh). Trimming old fat is in the works, slowly nonetheless. *tolak roti canai to the side*  

I am glad that I still have my gal pals and uni buds in the picture though.. We may have lost a few friends along the way, but those who stick by you even at the worst moments in your life are the ones worth keeping. 

As we look into the present and our future with positivity and endless possibilities, I pray that whatever our journey leads us to.. May it remains within Allah swt blessings.  Happy 2015 everyone! xoxo

PS: If anyone is reading this.. (which I doubt.. haha) do share a few of your weight loss secrets. As long as it does not involve liposuction, swallowing tapeworms or anything that will make me regret for trying it in the first place. :P 

Sleep well, dear Alifah..

12th May 2014:

Drove to your house, hoping that the news I received was false. Can't help but feel regret for not visiting you last week. My heart dropped seeing a lot of people in front of your parent's home.

Walked past everyone, I felt numb. Then I saw ur lifeless body on the bed. I couldn't control my tears. It was heartbreaking. I sat on the stairway with Anna. I couldn't imagine the emotions that she's feeling seeing her best friend in deep sleep. Memories kept playing in my head.. How we used to sleepover at your house after our late night sessions.. How you and i both enjoyed cooking at your mom's kitchen making pasta.. How we were there for each other whenever one of us had our hearts broken.

Then Maya came. I was glad to see her. She recited yaasin for you and prayed for your journey.

Before we left, I asked your mom in law if I could see you before I go. I saw your face and you looked fairer and peaceful.  Kissed your right cheek and forehead,  all the while I was holding back my tears. "Bye, Fah.." I whispered, as how I normally bid you farewell after visiting you at the hospital and home. Never been great with words.. And you never judged me for that.

13th May 2014:

Fetched Aisyah. Exchanging WhatsApp msgs with the BB girls wondering whether the van you were in already left for the mosque.

Arrived at the mosque and MasyaAllah, Fah.. I was happy to see a lot of people there to see you for the last time. It was like a mini reunion of all our BBGS friends.

After your final bath and shrouding your body in kafan, it was time to kiss you goodbye. Everyone was in tears seeing your Lil boy Aariz, Ijan, your family, Waty and your in laws saying their goodbyes to you. Then Anna, Aisyah, Siti, myself and Lana were given the chance to kiss you for the last time.

Performed solat jenazah, and made our way to your final resting place located on top of a hill. The sky was clear and even during the burial, clouds gathered to shield us from the sun.

I gave your mom the hijab pins that you wanted. Told her that you had intended to wear it when you're fit enough to go for outings. I was hoping you'd have that chance but I have to accept the fact that Allah swt loves you more. We will visit your family and tell Aariz all about how his loving mom lived her life.

Fah, you and I will always have that special bond that connects us. I want you to know that I love you so much.. I pray that we will remain friends till Jannah. I don't consider this as a farewell.. Because I know that one day, we will meet again. But I hope you know that all of us here misses you dearly.

PS: I love this picture of u, Aariz and Ijan on your WhatsApp profile. 

Al- fatihah.. Sleep well, my dear Fah. I love you. (1980 - 2014)

Look who came knocking!

Few weeks ago.. we were chilling in our room when we heard knocking outside our bedroom window. And there they were; two curious red-whiskered bul bul peering through the closed window. It was as if one was trying to break in and the other on a lookout! LOL.

Googled them and most people keep the bul bul as pets. Mr. Bitx and I are not a fan of keeping birds in closed cages. However, my late father in law loved birds. He built a huge cage and kept a few canaries and small birds because he loved listening to their chirpy voices. But few days after he passed away (al-fatihah, abah) the family decided to release the birds into the wild.

Abah, we fondly called him, loved animals. From goats and cows to swans and cats, he took care of them. Although he's a quiet person, he never burdened anyone. A part time carpenter (he was a teacher by profession), he made tables, stools and even my sister in law's dais during her nikah. His passion included drawing and playing the guitar. What's amazing was the fact that he plays the guitar by heart. He never learned the chords but he was multi talented. He would play the guitar and sing with my mom in law and sis in law. Even with Mr. Bitx, spending father and son time together playing their guitars.

He was a kind man, with a good heart. And now that he is no longer with us, Mr. Bitx has started to develop the same passion that he had; carpentry. And it amazes me at how much talent he has just like his late dad.

To Abah, thank you for welcoming me into ur family and treating me like one of ur daughters. I will never forget the laughter and moments that we shared. Even the days when u were hospitalized, how we joked (u were still the hottest one at the ward. Hehe) how u would always thank me when I should be the one thanking u. I made a promise to take care of mak, Teh and Intan and I will keep on doing so, insyaAllah selagi mampu. :')

Blessings in disguise..

Started the new year in frustration. From false pregnancy, to developing a cyst and allergy to certain painkillers.. I was down on my luck. (Keep putting on a happy face so that friends and family doesn't get sucked into my lugibriosity). Had a chat with a colleague who just got back into the office after 2 weeks being hospitalised with chronic bronchitis. And the first thing she asked me was "how are u feeling?" Told her about the stuff that happened.
She looked at me and said "u know Diana, there's always a blessing in disguise when u fall ill. First, it washes away our sins whether we realise it or not. Secondly, those that fall ill will get a reward (pahala) and is written for them all kinds of good and elevated status. Thirdly, it reminds us to be closer to The Almighty and learn the true meaning of patience and faith. Be fortunate that God give u a chance to be closer to him. It's also our body's way of telling us to change our lifestyle."

Then I started remembering how my cousin arwah abg nizam, who was loved by our family and relatives had gone through a lot of conditions and yet never fail to make all of us smile and laugh. He was the best brother figure I could ever ask for. And a very dear friend of mine who had to undergo multiple surgeries while giving birth for her condition and yet she's strong willed and positive despite all she went through. Not only she's blessed with a beautiful baby, she still remains a happy lady.

For once, I feel there's hope. Never give up. Thanks kak hadya for the enlightening chat. :)

A tribute

There was a time long ago when I was a little girl (about 10-11 years old), Pak Long (mom's brother) brought my sisters and I to watch the clock in Bangunan Abdul Samad and together we countdown to midnight. This was on 30th  August. 

We found a place to sit in Dataran Merdeka on the big field and i remember pulling the grass roots because I thought it was synthetic (turned out it was genuine carpet grass.. ;P) and waited with the rest of Malaysians and tourists on the field for the clock to strike 12 (31st August). Pak Long being a man always well prepared, packed food for us while we relax and enjoy the moment. Once the clock strikes, 3 cheers of "Merdeka!" surrounded the whole town and I remembered shouting on the top of my lungs, being consumed with all the excitement.. And then, the fireworks started, with sparks flying in the sky, booming and dispersing in the air. 

Till now, whenever it's Merdeka day, I will always be reminded of that exact moment of excitement and joy that I felt back then. 


So...

Despite all that we're facing till today; the corruption, dirty politics, "he said, she said", crime and irresponsible actions (littering etc) by individuals that managed to make Malaysia known for all the wrong reasons, I still love my country.

Although I wish (and pray) we have better future leaders that will turn it all around... *praying hard*

Malaysia, oh tanahairku... Happy 55th Merdeka (independence) day! ;)

In sickness and in health..

This ramadhan, got warded in the hospital for 4 days due to drug allergy.. (Had a few friends making jokes about me being a 'junkie'... *_*) Verryyy funny...

And as usual, Mr. Bitx came to the rescue! ;) Stayed with me in the hospital during fasting month.. Making trips to and from Johor. I feel so blessed having him as my soul mate and companion for life and the afterlife. Weird thing is that most of my fondest memories took place in hospitals.

Like the time I went for my nephrology appointment in early 2007, i cried buckets when the doctor said getting pregnant will be quite complicated for me, which requires extra monitoring and low % of success rate. I've been diagnosed with IGA Nephropathy since 2005 after a biopsy was done on my kidney. Put on extra weight due to the medications that i was required to take.. Mood swings.. And the last thing I wanted to hear was a specialist telling me I may not be able to get pregnant.. So i did the unimaginable.. I called Mr. Bitx, and told him that I won't blame him if he decides not to be with me anymore. Told him exactly what the doctor said, and gave him the freedom to leave me and be free from all the burden. Instead, he consoled me.. He said what the doctor said won't change his feelings towards me and that we can always pray and hope for the best. He mentioned about all the miracles and hikmah that some families go through.. and it did lift up my spirit.. "If it's meant to be, it's meant to be sayang.."

Then there was the time when I was warded *again* for high fever during ramadhan in 2007... The medications I took suppresses my immune system, leaving me vulnerable to viral infections and fever. My white blood count was depleting and I had to be warded immediately. A month before, we went to Habib to pick out my ring for 'merisik'.. But they had to custom made the ring. So as I was lying on my hospital bed, Mr. Bitx came and got me a few magazines..

Me: "Thanks, sayang... "

Him: "Tak nak tgk ke magazine ape?"

Me: "Huh?" *flips plastic bag*

And there it was, a small box with my ring in it. He picked it up, opened it and proposed! ;')

I guess, sometimes being sick has its perks.. ;P

Random thoughts.. Part 1

(Few things that came to mind today...)

"Just one of those days when the village idiots decided to come and play"




"Beauty without brains will only get you love/affection for all the wrong reasons"




"The torture of filling water in your cup at the dispenser on a full bladder"




My fave personal quote : "It's about time for all of us to graduate from that 'high school' mentality"




;)