Sleep well, dear Alifah..

12th May 2014:

Drove to your house, hoping that the news I received was false. Can't help but feel regret for not visiting you last week. My heart dropped seeing a lot of people in front of your parent's home.

Walked past everyone, I felt numb. Then I saw ur lifeless body on the bed. I couldn't control my tears. It was heartbreaking. I sat on the stairway with Anna. I couldn't imagine the emotions that she's feeling seeing her best friend in deep sleep. Memories kept playing in my head.. How we used to sleepover at your house after our late night sessions.. How you and i both enjoyed cooking at your mom's kitchen making pasta.. How we were there for each other whenever one of us had our hearts broken.

Then Maya came. I was glad to see her. She recited yaasin for you and prayed for your journey.

Before we left, I asked your mom in law if I could see you before I go. I saw your face and you looked fairer and peaceful.  Kissed your right cheek and forehead,  all the while I was holding back my tears. "Bye, Fah.." I whispered, as how I normally bid you farewell after visiting you at the hospital and home. Never been great with words.. And you never judged me for that.

13th May 2014:

Fetched Aisyah. Exchanging WhatsApp msgs with the BB girls wondering whether the van you were in already left for the mosque.

Arrived at the mosque and MasyaAllah, Fah.. I was happy to see a lot of people there to see you for the last time. It was like a mini reunion of all our BBGS friends.

After your final bath and shrouding your body in kafan, it was time to kiss you goodbye. Everyone was in tears seeing your Lil boy Aariz, Ijan, your family, Waty and your in laws saying their goodbyes to you. Then Anna, Aisyah, Siti, myself and Lana were given the chance to kiss you for the last time.

Performed solat jenazah, and made our way to your final resting place located on top of a hill. The sky was clear and even during the burial, clouds gathered to shield us from the sun.

I gave your mom the hijab pins that you wanted. Told her that you had intended to wear it when you're fit enough to go for outings. I was hoping you'd have that chance but I have to accept the fact that Allah swt loves you more. We will visit your family and tell Aariz all about how his loving mom lived her life.

Fah, you and I will always have that special bond that connects us. I want you to know that I love you so much.. I pray that we will remain friends till Jannah. I don't consider this as a farewell.. Because I know that one day, we will meet again. But I hope you know that all of us here misses you dearly.

PS: I love this picture of u, Aariz and Ijan on your WhatsApp profile. 

Al- fatihah.. Sleep well, my dear Fah. I love you. (1980 - 2014)

Look who came knocking!

Few weeks ago.. we were chilling in our room when we heard knocking outside our bedroom window. And there they were; two curious red-whiskered bul bul peering through the closed window. It was as if one was trying to break in and the other on a lookout! LOL.

Googled them and most people keep the bul bul as pets. Mr. Bitx and I are not a fan of keeping birds in closed cages. However, my late father in law loved birds. He built a huge cage and kept a few canaries and small birds because he loved listening to their chirpy voices. But few days after he passed away (al-fatihah, abah) the family decided to release the birds into the wild.

Abah, we fondly called him, loved animals. From goats and cows to swans and cats, he took care of them. Although he's a quiet person, he never burdened anyone. A part time carpenter (he was a teacher by profession), he made tables, stools and even my sister in law's dais during her nikah. His passion included drawing and playing the guitar. What's amazing was the fact that he plays the guitar by heart. He never learned the chords but he was multi talented. He would play the guitar and sing with my mom in law and sis in law. Even with Mr. Bitx, spending father and son time together playing their guitars.

He was a kind man, with a good heart. And now that he is no longer with us, Mr. Bitx has started to develop the same passion that he had; carpentry. And it amazes me at how much talent he has just like his late dad.

To Abah, thank you for welcoming me into ur family and treating me like one of ur daughters. I will never forget the laughter and moments that we shared. Even the days when u were hospitalized, how we joked (u were still the hottest one at the ward. Hehe) how u would always thank me when I should be the one thanking u. I made a promise to take care of mak, Teh and Intan and I will keep on doing so, insyaAllah selagi mampu. :')